Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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