im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
