On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
