If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
