I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
