Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
