I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
