Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
