She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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