He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
