I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
