is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
