Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
birth control should be required to get into college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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