STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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