I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
