At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
