I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
