Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
