I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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