Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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