I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
