I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
