he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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