Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am one with the molecules
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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