the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
