So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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