I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
