he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How's work?
Spinning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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