we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is Oprah even human
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
