Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
