She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize