Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize