Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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