Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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