Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize