I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
