what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
