Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
