Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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