their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
