No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
