i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
