I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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