i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
