I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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