Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
