dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize