I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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