I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
