he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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