Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
