Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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