Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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