so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We need to get me chipped asap
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
