She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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