Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
