I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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