I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
