I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
