so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
