Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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