Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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