Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
